Our Little Secret
by Mrs Bella Riddle
Summary: When Narcissa married Lucius, she assumed all her dreams had been fulfilled and life would be perfect. However, she was wrong. Narcissa/Lucius & Narcissa/Abraxas


**A/N:** This is written for the Hardest Ever Challenge where I had to write a Narcissa/Abraxas fic in 3,000 words in 3 hours with the prompts 'Our Little Secret', cracked mirror and apple. This is also written for the Favourite House Boot Camp Challenge with the prompt starts and the Pairing Diversity Boot Camp with the prompt forever.

)o(

Narcissa was glowing. Her pretty face was flushed with scarlet that had nothing to do with the makeup that had been carefully applied to her face this morning. Her blonde locks were a mess, hanging in tangles and everywhere.

For once, she did not care.

Resting the tip of her pointed chin on her new husband's bare chest, she leaned up and pressed her lips to Lucius' for the hundredth time that night. Running her fingers through his platinum locks, she made a sound of contentment against the kiss as their tongues slowly caressed each other.

She was in total bliss. Admittedly, her insides were still painful, after Lucius had entered her for the first time, but that was so easy to ignore when she was resting in Lucius' arms. The discomfort seemed to mean little when she knew how much she loved him and how he loved her. She might not have been subject to waves and waves of pleasure, but, in the end, she had started to feel good and the rest had all seemed to be like the fairy tale she had dreamed of.

Lucius was always the man she wanted to be her first. They loved each other dearly and, despite the fact he might not be the best person of expressing those feelings, she knew it was the truth. She had given herself to him on their wedding night and nothing could ever be more perfect.

She would now forever be known as Mrs Malfoy.

"I love you," she whispered softly as she lifted her lips only an inch away from his. "I'm so happy that I'm finally your wife."

"As am I my darling," Lucius replied, his hands softly stroking her hair as the other lightly cupped her waist. "My beautiful, beautiful wife."

Her smile widened at the praise as she kissed him again with more passion and delight. Now they were married, she could not help, but want to enjoy every moment with her husband.

)o(

Narcissa refused to scowl. She refused to show any elements of distaste or dissatisfaction as she raised her knife and dug it carefully into the apple pie. It slid easily through the soft apple until it made the smallest clink as it cut through the harder crust and hit the china.

She winced despite herself unwilling to upset the other person at the table as she raised a dainty piece of desert to her mouth. With her lips firmly closed, she chewed on the pie, her eyes staring off into the distance and her brain barely detecting the appealing tastes.

Lucius was gone. He had not even given her the briefest peck or embrace as he had declared he had work to do and left her alone in the sitting room with another night of loneliness ahead of her.

No one had ever told her marriage was meant to be like this.

Her married friends had informed her that marriage was wonderful. It was an occasion to always have someone around who adored you. They would be someone to hold at night and to listen to your problems and concerns whenever you needed them. Her mother had always told her that marriage would give her a position, a household and an endless series of satisfying tasks to perform. Even Bella, who was the most passionate aggressor against the institution, had been able to express some positives that marriage had finally given her the freedom from an authoritarian household that she had always desperately sought through her childhood.

Unfortunately, it seemed Bella's description was closest to the mark. Marriage did not give her a close companion when her husband was constantly absent. Marriage did not give her an endless series of tasks when there was no husband in attendance to assist.

Marriage did give her a constant series of freedoms since her husband never anywhere in sight.

Despite a taste that she normally would have seen as pleasant filling her mouth, Narcissa lowered her knife and fork to her plate. Crossing them together as if she was done, she straightened up her eyes fluttering closed for only a moment. She needed to keep calm. No matter what there was always a particular front that she had to ensure was forever in place.

"Narcissa, you seem troubled."

Opening her eyes, Narcissa almost jumped in surprised momentarily forgetting there was a person opposite her. With the same pointed face as Lucius, with shorter hair, a more lined but distinguished face and emerald eyes, Abraxas observed her his gaze like a hawk.

"No, I'm quite alright thank you, Abraxas," Narcissa replied immediately the mention of her father in law's first name sound still sounding strange on her tongue. "There is nothing troubling me at all."

He nodded slowly, but she could see he did not seem at all convinced. It was like what her father looked like when she tried and failed to lie in front of him. "Of course."

His eyes lingered over her before he returned to his food.

Narcissa was immensely grateful. She had no problem with Abraxas. He was a charming gentleman who possessed many traits that she admired. She was even able to have a pleasant conversation with him, but he was a very quiet man and she knew how rude it would be to air her dissatisfaction, especially about his son to him. She could never allow herself to be rude so she remained silent.

It was tempting though. Her eyes flicked back to Abraxas slightly enticed to speak. His wife had been dead for nearly ten years. He would understand what it was like to be lonely. It might even help to speak to someone who would not criticise Lucius and be smug that she was right all along like Bella.

Her eyes snagged on the lines around his eyes before she forced herself to look away.

No, she would never behave anything less than perfect. She would not allow Abraxas to see her as anything else other than a flawless and faultless wife for his son.

)o(

Narcissa had always been blessed with a significant amount of patience. Perhaps it was because she always knew such a trait was required in a well behaved woman or perhaps, when living with Bella, she had just needed to learn to sit quickly and let the rage settle.

Either way it had been a useful skill to have when she was dealing with her current situation. A year of marriage to a man she loved and having to deal with being pushed away for seemingly no reason. A year of marriage filled with loneliness and cold nights. A year of marriage that she had come to regret, but had stayed silent to protect the reputation of her husband.

She had been so good.

For so long she had been understanding. She knew Lucius would be busy at the Ministry and she knew his work as a Death Eater would occasionally mean he was not home at night. It seemed a worthy sacrifice for a world where order was restored and a family that would have the status and honour it deserved.

When it was occasionally not when it felt like every waking moment she was alone.

She had stayed together rather well.

Up until that moment.

A feral high pitched scream like a wild animal left her throat as she hurled her lipstick into the mirror. In the rational part of her mind, she saw it contact and heard the glass shatter as it fell it to the floor in a mess of destruction, but she could barely register it.

It seemed like one too many house elves had finally spoiled the broth.

It was their anniversary tonight. Lucius had organised a surprise dinner and she had dressed to perfection even wearing a pair of lacy red lingerie that were out of character, but she knew Lucius would adore. She had thought that this was finally the time for everything to be fixed. It would have been a new year of marriage and a time to start over. Lucius had vowed things would be different and she had believed him.

She had been foolish.

Just as she had been applying the last of her makeup, Lucius had appeared and apologised but he had been called away. She had been calm then. She had replied that she had understood, but the pale blue of her eyes had frozen over and stabbed like a knife.

Now she was embracing her inner Black.

Howling like a wolf, she collapsed onto the bed. Water spilled from her eyes like a dam breaking as trails of black like ink flowed from under her eyes ruining the rest of her makeup. Tugging on her strands of carefully curled hair, nothing seemed to matter.

The start of their wonderful new year of marriage had started and nothing had changed. Her dreams of a fairy tale marriage with the man she loved were a delusion. Marriage was nothing but a great big lie. It was just another way to be alone.

Sobbing into her palms, her whole body shook.

Everything was wrong.

"Narcissa." She heard the voice, but she did not look up. She vaguely recalled that Lucius had not shut the bedroom door when he had left, but it did not seem to matter. Nothing seemed to. Even when she heard footsteps drawing closer, her gaze did not lift. "What has happened?"

She would like to reply with everything that had happened. She would like to have bitched and ranted for the entire world to hear, but, despite her father in law's words, the only sounds that left her lips were pitiful sobs.

The only thing that interrupted them was when she hiccupped violently and jumped when she felt a hand touch her shoulder. The skin was not as soft as Lucius', but the gentleness had never been more welcome as the feeling of warmth spread from where he touched her on her bare shoulder.

Looking up through panda like and swollen eyes, she was almost like a child with how much need shone in her gaze. "Everything is all wrong," she mumbled her voice husky and desperate. "Everything is ruined."

"I hardly think that is the case." Abraxas' voice was level and logical, but anyone speaking would be welcome especially someone who looked so much like Lucius.

She noticed his gaze drift to the empty place on the bed beside her and quickly she grabbed his hand pulling him down beside her. She felt him flinch, but it did not matter. She only held the hand tighter and rested her head on his shoulder.

"It is. Lucius does not love me. I... don't think he ever cares. He's never here anymore."

She sobbed softly tears running from her eyes seeping into Abraxas' silk robes.

A cautious hand moved from her bare shoulders running them gently in an uncertain act of comfort. She did not care that it was clumsy. She only cared that someone was there.

"I know." She lifted her head quickly not expecting such an answer. "I have told him that he is never around. I have told him that it is poor behaviour of a husband to spend such little time at home. He had not listened."

"No..." she whispered awe in her voice that someone else had noticed her plight. "He has not. He is never here."

"He would be a fool," Abraxas continued in the same voice that was filled with certainty, "if he did not love or care about you. No one could fail to not love a beautiful pureblood woman such as you Narcissa."

The first smile of thee night lit her features. She had been so used to praise throughout her life, but it seemed to actually mean something now when she was alone and vulnerable. "Do you really think that?"

"Yes."

Her smile grew. Sniffing a little, she straightened herself up and twisted so she was completely facing Abraxas. Still holding his hand, the other moved up and brushed against his cheek. She felt him shudder, but she was passed caring. Nothing was really entering her mind, but fuzz. It was like she was drunk, but no liquor had ever made her feel so brainless or so defeated.

"Narcissa..." Abraxas half warned, but she ignored it. Her eyes were tracing his features finding every curve of his lip and cheek noting how they were all so similar to Lucius. She could see how much older he was, but she did not care. She did not find anything disgusting. She only found distinguished features and attractive notes that drew her closer in the state that she was in.

Before she could even think about what she was doing, she leaned over and pressed her lips to his. She felt him jump away, but she curled her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him closer. She deepened the kiss sliding her tongue into his mouth and throwing in all the passion and emotion that burned inside her.

It took a long time for her partner to react, but she hardly cared. She only noticed when a hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. She complied eagerly throwing her leg around his waist and pressing flush against him.

It was so very wonderful to be held like this. The rush that went through her was indescribable because a part of her needed this. As she moved her lips down to Abraxas' neck and manoeuvred her hand under his robes to where his hard length was brushing against her, she did not think about the consequences. She only lost herself in the pleasant and overwhelming desires.

)o(

Narcissa's eyes fluttered open through crusted over makeup and tears as she tried to stop her heart from beating so loudly in her ear.

She did not bother thinking of last night as a dream. She knew it was not. She could remember every caress and feel the guilt in her bones. She was still so furious at Lucius, but she still remembered her vows that seemed to be coming back to her with aggression.

She had promised him forever. She had vowed she would love him forever and that she would never leave him. She vowed he would be the only man she would ever be with and now she had slept with his father. He had left her alone and infuriated her, but there was no excuse for her appalling actions.

How could she ever look at Lucius in the eye again? How could she ever look at Abraxas?

Turning her head, she had never been more grateful for the empty space beside her as she rose, her legs shacking.

It was a good idea Abraxas had not stayed. She could never have explained things to Lucius if they had caught them and she hoped that meant Abraxas understood. He hoped he would understand that what had occurred would never ever happen again.

Standing, her eyes caught sight of the broken mirror in front of her and she shuddered.

What had become of her?

Averting her eyes, she forced her legs to move in the direction of the bathroom. She hoped she could make herself feel better, but she suspected she never could.

)o(

Narcissa had not been surprised to discover that the shower had done absolutely nothing. Despite the fact the warm water had felt pleasant on her skin and had washed away traces of her smudged makeup and indiscretions, it could do nothing for the guilt, pain and uncertainty.

That she would have to do for herself.

So, despite the fact she dreaded every moment, she walked downstairs to breakfast. The eyes of the portraits followed her making her feel like they all knew her awful secret. She ensured to keep her eyes downcast until she spotted familiar leather shoes frozen by the closed door to the breakfast room.

"Narcissa," Abraxas said his voice even calmer and making her shudder with shame. "Lucius just walked in. He is having breakfast."

Narcissa's hand shook and she forced herself to clutch her robe tightly.

She nodded slowly. She wished she could stay silent forever, but she knew she could not.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled knowing that her words meant nothing. "I'm so_ so_ sorry. I have no idea what came after me. It must never- "

"I know." His voice was like a knife and she carefully raised her eyes finding deep shadows under his eyes. "It was a foolish mistake that must never happen again. It must never even be spoken of again."

Narcissa's head nodded so hard it felt like it would fall off in her eagerness to agree. "Never. What happened was..."

She trailed off unable to reply. Abraxas continued to watch her before he sighed. "Never."

He turned from her and stepped into the room.

Narcissa watched her go forcing herself to keep steady.

It was all done. What had happened would never happen again. It would never be mentioned. It would be like it had never even occurred.

No one would ever know.

But she would.

Somehow that mattered. The aching weight inside her would never leave. She might somehow be able to convince Lucius that he would have to provide her with more attention. He might stay beside her every night and never leave her. He might whisper in her ear how much he loved her and slowly kiss her tenderly with all the love and affection that they both felt.

Time and conversation might fix and heal so much, but she knew it would never be enough. For the rest of her life she would have to live with the aching all consuming guilt and knowing she had failed and disgraced herself in such a terrible way.

She could never forget that no matter what changed.

But life must go on.

Straightening her shoulders and sparing a glance at her impeccable appearance in a mirror by the door, she pushed open the heavy wooden door. Abraxas' blonde head was downcast. He did not even look up, but Lucius did.

His pointed face lit up and a broad smile slid across it.

"Narcissa!"

His voice was so warm and so welcoming that she could have sobbed in guilt. Instead, she forced herself to remain composed as she smiled.

"Good morning, Lucius."


End file.
